The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear
by dream-orb7
Summary: Follows book five. Mia's anxiety over Micheal graduating and the summer that looms. Basically revolves around M&M. R
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own _The Princess Diaries,_ that honour is bestowed to Meg Cabot and Macmillan Publishers. 

SUMMARY: This is a possible scenario of what will follow book five in SIX APPEAL. I promise not to break up M&M, however I will put forth some things that I believe may happen in the next book. I encourage those avid Princess Diaries fanfic readers to comment in the Reviews section if they believe some of my story content may actually happen.

A/N: As I am in a writing course, I've been given the task of attempting a style piece and so I took advantage and used the Princess Diaries to write a fanfic in the style of a diary entry. So this is also homework technically. How Cool!

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Tuesday, June 3, Gifted and Talented

Oh my God, my life is over. Just when I thought Grandmere couldn't surprise me any more than what she already has in my short lifetime, she goes and pulls a double whammy. Because I'm staying in New York for the summer with Mom and Rocky, she has decided to stick around as well. And that means I'll be spending my summer gruelling over more princess lessons, and I won't get to spend every waking hour with Michael and Lilly like I planned. 

Not only is that happening but Michael is graduating in less than a week and I'm so incredibly nervous. Cause it has only really hit me that he won't be around school next year. He won't be dropping by to see me in Algebra or sitting with me at lunch or going over my Algebra homework with me in G & T like he sometimes does and I won't even get to take him to school in the limo any more. 

I mean sure he'll only be a couple of subway stops away, but I already don't see him enough and he hasn't even graduated yet. I mean he'll be at Columbia in his freshman year of college, and even though he is a genius like Lilly, he'll have heaps of things to do all the time. I'm so worried I won't see him.

Oh, Michael is coming over to help me with my Algebra homework. I have finals next week and he and Mr G are saying they think I could get an A in this final so they're helping me all they can. 

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Tuesday, June 3, Michael's Room

Michael is outside making us some dinner as it's Maya's day of, and while he's doing that I'm writing here. When Michael came over to me in G & T, he had a little surprise for me. He revealed that he and a couple of guys he met at a Columbia University meet-up, are moving in together so he's not going to live in a dorm but in a shared apartment close to their campus. 

Because of this new development, he is moving out of home earlier than he expected and will have his own place over summer. Not only is that happening but he has yet to tell his parents. So now I'm here waiting for him to return so we can get my Algebra B up to an A and I'm a little worried about him.

I was just think though, I mean Michael is one of the most level headed and mature people I know, but not telling his parents that he's moving out of home in just over TWO WEEKS, isn't something I'd expect him to do. I mean sure he didn't tell anyone about his music up until recently and he doesn't let anyone use his computer, or go in his room unless he lets them but to not tell his parents that he is moving out so soon is just...not Michael.

He's back with dinner. 

I'm still in his room, only I just had one of the most amazing conversations with Michael. This is how it went:

Me: So Michael, why haven't you told your parents about you moving out so soon. I mean, sure I'm happy I'm the first to know and all but, I mean you gotta tell them soon.

Michael: I know, it's just I kind of know how they'll react

Me: Which is how?

Michael: They'll psychoanalyse me, and they'll believe that I'm trying to get away from them, which isn't the reason at all. The truth is, we came across this place and we don't want to lose it.

Me: You think your going to upset them do you?

Michael: Yeah I do, and I don't know. I mean, I don't usually tell them how much I love them and all but... I guess I'm trying to put of telling them that I'm leaving sooner than they thought I'd leave.

At this point I realise Michael is admitting to me for the first time how much he really loves his parents... which is a lot. Generally guys don't tell their girlfriends how much they love their mum and dad. It's not cool or something and even if they do, they don't really mean it. It's like their saying it to look more sensitive to a girl in the hopes that the girl will fall for their act and 'put out' for them. But with Michael, who is the most perfect individual known to man, you know it's the truth. I AM SO LUCKY to have a boyfriend like Michael.

Which is why, as soon as he'd told me all that stuff, I went over to where he was sitting at his desk and kissed his forehead. I wanted him to know how special I thought he was and in a way thank him for being the person he is. Man I am so IN LOVE with Michael Moscovitz. 


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A/N: I would like to thank those who reviewed my story (up to the point of this publication). Daydreamer-022 robtaymattlouned and the person known as omg. All reviews are appreciated, All critiques and or praise is taken into account. 

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Wednesday, June 4, The limo on the way to school.

I can't believe my parents. First of all they didn't tell me I was a princess until it was convenient for them, then they did this. Hang on, I can't even bring myself to write it.

They want me to BREAK UP WITH MICHAEL. I can't believe them. Of all the things I expected of them this morning when I found my father in my living room, but this! 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is over I tell you. The moment I start to finally feel some sentiment of SELF-ACTUALIZATION, my parents go and hit me with a hundred-pound fist to the stomach. This is how the conversation went. 

Me: Hey Dad, what you doing here.

Dad: I'm here to see you of course, and about a pressing matter.

Me: What is it?

Mum: Mia, would you sit down with us. 

Me: Sure, but I want you to know that you're starting to scare me a bit.

Dad: Okay honey, your mother and I have been talking over the past week about some things we're concerned about.

Mum: And those things, seem to all point in the direction of your relationship... with Michael.

Me: WHAT?

Dad: Honey, just listen to us first please and know that Grandmere has nothing to do with this.

This is obviously my fathers way of showing that what they were about to say had nothing to do with me being a princess. It was a comfort to hear that then, but now I know what they were concerned about.

Mum: We're just concerned about how quickly your relationship is progressing and we want to talk to you about your options.

Me: Hang on a minute... let me re-phrase that. Hold on and freeze so I can process the fact that my parents are giving me a speech about what options THEY believe I have with MY BOYFRIEND. I mean it's like you believe you have A SAY in what happens between us.

Dad: Mia, you know perfectly well that we have a say in your relationships with boys as your only 15 YEARS OLD, or did you manage to forget that.

Mum: Philippe, Mia, I think we all need to calm down and not overreact to things just yet. 

Me: I thought you liked Michael.

Mum: Honey, we do it's just that Michael is so much older than you and we're worried that you may be moving too fast with your relationship. I mean, he won't be living at home soon and naturally your going to want to go over to his new place, wherever that might be and we trust you and Michael, we really do but... 

Me: But what?

Dad: Mia, we think it might be best if you end your relationship with Michael before it gets out of hand.

Me: WHAT? Okay, I can take that I may be young and you want me to not have sex, cause this is what this is about isn't it. But, now your telling me that I have to BREAK UP WITH MICHAEL, who is the one thing in this screwed up world I live in at the moment that makes me happy. I mean if it isn't bad enough I have to sacrifice my time and happiness to perform the role of a princess. That I have to go and spend months in another country away from my friends, that I have Grandmere trying with all her might to make my life difficult. NO. I have my parents telling me that I have to BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WHO IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, WHO IS EVERYTHING TO ME. No, I won't have this. I'm going to school and don't expect me home early.

At that I ran out the door and found Lars in the limo. That's where I am now, waiting outside the Moscovitz apartment tower, trying to make my eyes look like they haven't been crying. 

Now Michael and Lilly are in the limo. Michael has his arm around me and it's making me feel better, but I'm trying really hard not to look like I'm dieing inside. Cause all I can think about is the conversation I just had with my parents. 


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A/N: Again, thanks to my reviewers. Sarahamanda, Gina, Daydreamer-022, tranquille, myinnocenteyes (and the fav author list too) for the Chap 2 Reviews. I encourage all reviews. 

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Wednesday, June 4, Bio

Curse Michael for knowing me so well. He can catch any change in my behaviour, and it was all from my kiss.

Once Lilly had run of to class, Michael stopped me and pulled me back into the limo. He asked Lars to give us some privacy and then we were alone in the limo. That was when he chose to tell me that when I kissed him as he got into the limo, he could tell something was up cause I only ever kissed like that when I was sad. 

This is when my barriers came crashing down cause I looked into Michael's eyes and I started to feel pain. It was like this twisting of my stomach muscles, and I know it was because I felt so utterly depressed. That, and I felt completely vulnerable when I saw how concerned Michael was for me. You see I can now see how much Michael loves me in his eyes.

I told him everything that my parents had said, about having to break up and their concern that our relationship was moving too fast. I even told him they were obviously afraid we couldn't keep our hormones in check and that it was only a matter of time before we had sex. The entire time Michael just held me as I cried and he listened without interrupting the entire time. He slowly rocked me and finally, once I was finished, I sat up and we looked each other in the eye. 

"You know how much I love you don't you?" I told him.

"Yeah, I know. And you know too don't you, how I feel?" He asked.

"Yes. And all I know is that there is nothing in the world that matter's to me more than you do." 

This is when he took both my hands, pulled me closer to him and kissed me. I could feel that kiss in every fibre of my being. I really could. It almost made me feel light-headed as I got that feeling in my head that I always get when I feel loved or cared for. There were so many physical sensations. 

Once we parted, he reassured me that we would work it out and then he admitted to me something he had been holding inside for a while.

"Mia, we're going to work this out. But I want to tell you something first."

"Okay then," I said.

"Before we got together, I thought about what it might feel like to be you. I mean, I thought about what it would feel like to kiss you, to tell you how I feel. To walk around the hallways at school and to have you wanting me just as much as I've wanted you. I also thought about some of the pitfalls of being together cause even though it hasn't been a problem, our age difference is an issue."

"It's only three years." I said

"Yeah, and if we were say 20 and 23, it wouldn't be a problem at all. But I'm 18 and I'm going to college next year and before you go thinking I'm telling you this to break up or something, don't. I know how your mind works. I can see it ticking away, all the reasons why I'd be telling you this." Michael smiled at me, and I managed to smile for the first time that day, glad that Michael was able to read me so well.

"But what I'm trying to get at is this. I may be going to college and I'll admit things like sex. I've thought about them. I mean, what 18-year-old guy who has a girlfriend hasn't thought about it. I love you and I definitely want to do that some day with you, but I also know that you are 15 years old. You still have 3 more years of high school to go and not only that, but the burden of being a princess and all that goes with that is a lot to deal with. So you don't need me to be any sort of added pressure. So I can wait for as long as you need to go anywhere. I can ease of on our relationship. I can do anything and everything whenever it is right for you. I also want you to know that even if you say your ready, and I know your not, that I'll never take advantage of you." 

"How can you be so... willing?" I asked, as I couldn't completely process the magnitude of sacrifice Michael was willing to do for me. 

"I guess I know I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love you." Again we kissed and then Michael and I decided it was about time we headed to class. 

So now I am sitting here, in biology where I am supposedly doing finals revision, completely breathless over the fact that Michael loves me, MIA THERMOPOLIS, as much as I love him.

Cause what he doesn't know is how much I'd sacrifice for him.


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A/N: Again, thanks to my reviewers. Do you really want me to post your names again? Okay I will once I load the Review page... Okay, it's loaded. At the time of publication, Chapter 3 was reviewed by: Gina, robtaymattlouned, myinnocenteyes and Daydreamer-022. Also, Purplemartian33 reviewed Chap 2. 

Another thing before I continue. I'd love to hear about what YOU the readers think of Diary style writing. Do you think it is an effective way of bringing forth an accurate point of view within a story or do you prefer to read a novel written in the 3rd person? I'd also love to hear what restrictions you believe diary writing has as a style. If possible, e-mail me or type within a review your thoughts as I can use you perspective in my class Style Piece. Thankyou very much.

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Wednesday, June 4, The Loft.

This whole disaster with my parents has got me thinking, cause to be perfectly honest, I have not thought about sex. Getting to second base with Michael was a huge step, let alone thinking about all the consequences and responsibilities that sex can bring to a relationship. 

Do I want to have sex with Michael some day? LIKE HELL I DO. I've dreamt about having his kids, buying a house in the suburbs and getting married. What girl who is completely in love with their boyfriend hasn't thought about those things, things that will give them the ultimate form of self-actualisation. 

However, I don't think Michael and I could ever actually buy a house in the suburbs because of the whole I'M A PRINCESS thing, but a girl will dream. I will go of into the world of fantasy and dream about a life that's easier. But that never seems to happen, does it? I mean my life; it doesn't ever get easier. But that does not mean I'm not going to let it get me down, or I shouldn't. Man, this doesn't sound like me. And I keep using the word _does_. Good writers should find ways to stop repetition. Anywoo...

I'm usually completely stressing over what my parent's will do to try and break Michael and us up, but somehow I don't see it happening. Scrap that, I know they can't break us up. Cause I believe in Michael and our love. Now I sound like a romance novel.

So getting back to the sex thing, I'm trying to get my head around a couple of things. You see, Michael admitted to me that he has thought about us having sex. And now, we have had our first discussion about it and he's said to me that he will wait until I'm ready, AND that he'll be the strong one who judges if _I'm_ truly ready. My minds a boggle over all this. 

There is also the issue of our age. Michael is going to college next year where most guys who have girlfriends will inevitably, or have already had sex. Who am I kidding, all guys have sex in college. And as our relationship progresses, Michael is going to want sex more and more. Man, I'LL want sex.

But I'm seriously not ready yet. I mean, Michael is my first real boyfriend and I'm only 15 years old. But at the same time, I know I'm in love with Michael and I have been for like EVER. This issue has never been a problem until my parents decided to bring it up cause NOW I'm thinking about it constantly. In G&T today, when Michael with helping me with my Algebra, the weirdest thoughts came into my head. I thought about being in his room like we were the other day and kissing each other, then getting really into it and going further. Further than I care to print in here due to the fact that someone may get their scrubby little hands on this diary and... I'm not going any further.

The point is, I'm now thinking about sex. I'm thinking about how much I too want to have sex. I'm thinking about when it will happen, what it will be like, if there will be consequences. I'm thinking about if Michael will be able to stand waiting and if it will get him frustrated, resulting in us breaking up. It's like today I realised this new shadow that will plague my happiness. And all I really know is that right now, I have some battles to face. It's like our like our first real test.

I'm just afraid we mightn't survive it.

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Wednesday, June 4, The Loft, Later. 

Who do I usually ask for romance advice? Tina, that's who. And unfortunately, I ended up getting no help from her. She tried, but her advice wasn't that good. She, being the hopeless romantic she is, said that Michael and I are meant to be and that we'll do it when we know it's right. Just like in the romance novels she reads. Well, I hate to break it to her but those books are never a great example of how society should act. Or does act when they are in love. 

Oh, Michael just IM me. Here's how our conversation went.

LinuxRulz: Hey, what are you doing?

FtLouie: Algebra revision.

LinuxRulz: And where would you be doing that. At your desk with your journal in front of you and your textbook open beside you where you can REVIEW it from afar. 

Of course!

FtLouie: You cheeky thing. 

LinuxRulz: You do realise, that in order to pass Algebra, you may need to put your journal away for a little while. I know that may be hard for you.

FtLouie: And what exactly are you doing. You could be telling your parents about your moving. Instead you're talking to me.

LinuzRulz: I could go away if you want me to.

FtLouie: Don't you dare. 

LinuxRulz: I promise I'll tell them if you promise me you'll study before writing in your journal again. 

FtLouie: ... All right, but if I hear that you haven't told them, there will be consequences.

LinuxRulz: I bet they'll be. 

Usually, we would of concluded our net chat, but I had my concerns and I couldn't stand feeling the way I was feeling. 

FtLouie: Michael, could I ask a big favour.

LinuxRulz: Anything. What is it?

FtLouie: Could you sneak out and come to the loft right now. You'll have to come up the fire escape though.

LinuxRulz: Is everything all right?

FtLouie: Yeah, I just really want to talk to you. Will you come?

LinuxRulz: Yeah, I'm on my way.

Then he signed of and I closed down my computer. I'm writing this as I wait for him to show up. Oh, there's a knock on my window. He's here. 


	5. Page 5

A/N: Again, thanks to my reviewers. I was pleased to see my total blow out from 16 reviews at Chapter 3 to 26 at Chapter 4 and I am thrilled to bits that you're enjoying the story and my writing style. I've decided I'll only post the names of anyone who hasn't reviewed before. This time they were Legs, VB, beanz and codered05. Thankyou very much and I look forward to hearing what you think of this chapter. 

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Thursday, June 5, The Loft.

Why bother with an intro. This is what happened last night.

MM: Hey, what is it?

Michael climbed through my window.

Me: I need to talk about what happened today.

MM: What do you mean?

Me: In the limo. I've been thinking about our conversation all day. 

MM: What about it?

Michael and I were sitting on my bed at this point.

Me: Sex.

MM: ...Okay.

Michael's expression turned from questioning to worried at the mention of sex. 

Me: I think it's great that you are willing to wait for me, but I'm just a little insecure about a couple little details.

MM: Like what?

Me: We have never discussed sex before, have we? We've been going out for half a year and we have never discussed it. I think I'd be fooling myself if I said I hadn't thought about it. And you said you have, and yet nothing. And now I know you want to and I know I want to as well one day. But, as you said, I'm way too young and I gotta know one thing.

MM: You want to know if I'm ready?

Damn Michael always seems to know what I'm thinking.

Me: Yes.

Michael looked down to the ground and pondered his answer. Then he looked up and put his hand on my cheek, cupping my face. 

MM: Mia, my feelings are miles ahead in our relationship. I love you so much and when we're alone, it is getting harder for me to stop myself from going further with you. I've wanted you ever since you came into my life. For a long time, you were everywhere and all the times I spent with you, my feelings for you just grew. I mean it wasn't just attraction, it was the fact that you could bring about the most bizarre perceptions on life or even just when you included me in something with Lilly. These little things were like ties, showing me what made you special and reminded me of why I wanted you. So when we finally got together, it was like we had already gone past all of these steps. We didn't have to get to know each other, we had already seen so much of each other and we were friends too. The only step we really had to take was finally giving in to what we felt for each other and allowing that to be communicated. Or in terms more commonly understood by people our age, we started making out.

Michael grinned at that point and planted a quick kiss onto my lips.

Me: But what does that have to do with you being ready or not?

MM: It has everything to do with it because we've practically been going out for six months. That and I'm headed off to college. And I'm feeling all the emotions. I feel scared about what next year will mean for us, about what your princess status will grow into and basically all of those things we have against us that don't matter as long as we stick together. 

Me: You're ready?

MM: I might be

Michael said this with regret at this point. I think he expected me to be upset with him, but I did have one more question.

Me: How long have you been holding back with me?

MM: Maybe ever since I met you.

Me: But you hold back?

MM: Yeah, always

Me: You won't always hold back Michael.

MM: I won't?

Me: No. Because I'm telling you right now you won't have to wait for long.

At this point I kissed him, an extremely deep kiss that almost made me feel light-headed. I was literally floating in the air, or I was until Michael pulled away.

MM: Yes I will have to wait a while.

Me: What?

Michael got off my bed and kneeled down in front of me. Then he took both of my hands and kissed them.

MM: Mia, I don't want you to ever feel you need to go anywhere you don't want to go because you feel I want you too.

Me: What?

I was confused with what Michael was saying, resulting in my one word answers. 

MM: I don't want you to think that just cause I'm going to college next semester that you need to do anything your not ready for. I know how much you love me and how much you want to make me happy. But I also have your best interests at heart and there is one thing I know.

Me: And what's that.

MM: You won't be ready to have sex for a while because even if we feel like we've been together long enough, that we love each other more than life itself, it doesn't change the fact that you're 15 years old. And I won't take advantage of that.

Me: You know you sound like my father right now. Telling me what to do, how I feel, informing me of my age. I know all this. But Michael, I may be ready to go further very soon and that will be despite all of that. It will be because when I'm with you, there isn't one thing in this entire world that can make me feel the way I feel when I'm with you. And no words known to man will be able to communicate it. 

MM: That's what I'm scared of.

Me: Scared that I love you so much?

MM: Scared of what will happen next. You could fall pregnant at 15, 16,17,18. That's what I'm scared of cause not only are you a young girl, but you're a princess and heir to the throne of a country. It is so important that something like that doesn't happen to you. 

I didn't respond at first and Michael got off the floor and sat next to me again.

Me: I guess things are just a little more complicated for us.

Michael turned my head to him and we kissed again, then we stopped abruptly.

MM: They always are.

Then Michael got up and walked over to the window. Just as he was pushing the window up, I stopped him. 

Me: Does your parents know you're gone?

MM: No, I sneaked out. 

Me: Cause I want you to stay with me tonight.

I didn't expect myself to say that. I was thinking it, but I didn't think I had the courage to say it.

MM: Mia, we can't.

Me: Not that, I just don't want to be alone and we can go to school together.

MM: Won't your mum freak if she knew I was here.

Me: Yeah, that's why I'll just tell Lars and I won't go out there tonight. I'll call Lilly and explain to her that I'm upset and that I want you to stay. She'll clear it all with your parents and bring you some clothes for tomorrow.

MM: Are you sure about this.

Me: I'd stake my life on it.

MM: Alright, I'll stay. But you do realise you're dealing with Lilly. She's going to think otherwise of what we're doing.

Me: I'll make sure she realises we're not. 

Right now, I'm sitting up in my bed and Michael is asleep next to me. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I really want to go to sleep and hold onto him now so I gotta leave it here. 

But right now I feel very self-actualised. And very tir...

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OKAY, IT'S TIME TO **REVIEW**. I PROMISE TO UPDATE SOON! ALSO, MY STORIES CHAPTERS ARE JUST BROKEN UP SPONTANEOUSLY. THEREFORE THOSE CLIFFHANGERS YA HATE, ARE JUST THE CHAP I WROTE WAS TOO LONG AND I HAD TO CUT IT INTO TWO. 


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A/N: Again, thanks to my reviewers. I may not post in a while cause I've got a dancing concert within the next two weeks. Not only is that a problem, but I'm backed up with homework. I'll try to post updates as frequently as I can. I've also decided to quicken the pace of the story, as I believe I'm writing at novel pace right now. Please, give me your opinion's on this issue. 

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The Princess Diaries, It's All Becoming Clear!

Friday, June 6, The Loft.

I've just woken up and it's a very pleasant mourning. And why is it pleasant? Because I've woken up to find Michael next to me. I just had to write that down here so I'll be able to look back and remember the first time I woke to find him there. It actually makes waking up bearable.

Oh Michael's stirring. I'll write later.

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Friday, June 6, The limo on the way to school.

Michael jumped into the limo a block away and Lars has a questioning look on his face. I better explain to him what happened.

Okay, so Lars isn't going to say anything. I hope. We're going to Michael's now and Lilly is already there waiting. 

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Friday, June 6, Algebra. 

When we arrived at school, Michael had to put his school clothes on. Lilly, Lars and I stepped outside the limo so he could do that. I was kind of disappointed. I would have loved seeing Michael's well-defined chest again. 

So I haven't had the chance to reflect on last night. I kind of feel strange this morning, and I don't know why. I guess I'm not really able to put into words what I'm feeling right now. Who knew this could happen to me. I mean ME, MIA THERMOPOLIS, WHO IS CONSTANTLY SEEN WRITING IN HER JOURNAL. I can't word my feelings.

Initially, before Michael had even arrived, I was going to say that I wasn't ready to have sex but that I may be soon. I was seriously going to say that. I was just going to blurt it all out, and get it over and done with. Then Michael came and my whole game plan went out the window (funny enough, this was when he came through my window). The fact was he looked so good and all logic had been put 'pushed out the window'. 

Michael had been wearing his white Puma trainers, his GAP lose jeans (that show off all the right places) and a black short sleeved t-shirt with a flame down the middle of it. He looked so incredibly gorgeous, and this was something I don't believe I'll ever get used to. He was roughly shaven, and although this annoyed me when we were kissing, it made him look so ruggedly handsome. For someone who was a self confessed computer geek, I believe he's the most incredibly gorgeous geek ever known to man. 

Then we started talking about sex and he was sitting so close to me on my bed. The entire time, all I remember feeling was this unbelievable urge to pull all those clothes of him and do things that I knew would get me in big trouble. And then he started talking so sweetly about how he'd wait until he knew I was ready, about his concerns for me and his own battles to stop himself going further and this did not help my resolve at all. 

My heart was reminded of all the things that made me love him so much, and my hormones were driving me to give into my temptation. My brain battled very hard with the rest of my body to see reason and it took all my mental strength not to push him to my bed. I almost lost my resolve when I started kissing Michael. The truth was, I was pushing all thoughts aside and allowing my hormones to take control. Lucky for me, Michael was able to stop us going further.

Then I became frustrated, because I didn't understand how Michael could physically stop himself. For the first time, I understood what it felt like to want to go further, and I didn't understand why we shouldn't. I did, but at that moment I wasn't thinking all that clearly. Michael brought me back to earth, like he always did, and I realised why he always stopped himself. He was thinking of me the entire time. He knew exactly what was at stake and this was his ignition for holding back. 

But I still didn't want him to leave. I needed him for some reason, just him and nothing else. I had always wondered why in movies the girl would ask the guy to stay over, as she didn't want to be alone and I'd always thought it was an excuse to have sex. But now I knew that it wasn't for that reason at all, it was more to restore an emotional balance within. I just wanted to forget about everything for one night and have him there with me. It was the first time we'd slept in the same bed together and it had felt so right. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I just had to relive every moment again, so I wrote in my diary. 

But when I looked over what I'd written just before, I realised that I'd left so many details out. Like the fact we slept holding each other the entire night or that I when I woke up this morning, he'd woken after me with this cute little kink in his hair. And after I'd come back from the shower in only my towel, he insisted on waiting in my closest while I changed and he blushed the entire time, as this was evident before and after he'd gotten in my closet. 

Now I'm sitting here is Algebra, and I'm finding it really hard to concentrate. I've written this entire entry in bits as Mr G is walking by to see if we're working or not. I better leave this here so I can finish my work.


End file.
